The Bull Rider's Baby Bombshell Page 8

  He slid his boot in the stirrup and swung his other leg up over the saddle. He took the reins and exhaled, already feeling like he’d made the right decision to walk away.

  A few days ago he’d been itching to jump on the next plane out of town. Now the thought left him empty. He wanted to see his brothers’ children grow up. To be there for their birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas or whatever special event they had going on. But in doing so, he’d see Audra, Hadley and Mackenzie. He’d have to. He wouldn’t be able to stay away and he didn’t want to confuse them. He needed to stay anonymous, for their sake and his.

  * * *

  THE HOUSE WAS quiet except for the sound of Jade’s fingers tapping on her laptop keyboard. The girls had a 2:00 a.m. feeding a little over an hour ago and had fallen asleep shortly afterward. Even with Maddie’s help, Jade struggled to get work done. Two days had passed since she’d last spoke with Wes, three days since she’d seen him. It felt more like a month. She’d promoted Tomás, giving him authority to run the office and hire two more employees. They’d lost a couple lucrative clients over the weekend because Jade wasn’t personally there to oversee their event planning. No amount of video chats made up for one-on-one client relations. Tomás was good, probably even better than she was at the job. She had faith in him.

  She’d confided in him about how she had severely affected Wes’s life. And Tomás pulled no punches when he told Jade that her silence had been just as damaging as if she had actually said the words. He also told her to forgive herself. She laughed at the mere thought. Forgiveness had to be earned and she’d done nothing to deserve it.

  Jade slammed her laptop closed and spun around in Liv’s übercomfortable office chair. Her purse and keys hung on the door handle, mocking her. She hadn’t left the house since her trip to the attorney’s office on Friday. Three days. Well, technically four since the night had already crossed into Tuesday. She’d never been that reclusive. Not even when she had the flu last year. She wanted to go for a ride. Not a long one. Just long enough to feel like she’d really gotten out of the house. What if Maddie woke up? What if the girls woke up? And what if they didn’t?

  Jade grabbed her bag and tiptoed to the back door before she realized Maddie’s car blocked hers in the driveway. Crap! Normally she parked at her own house next door, but Maddie had gone grocery shopping after work and it had been easier to park closer and carry the bags into the house. She turned to head back into the office when she noticed Maddie’s car keys on the counter. She could move the car, or...she could borrow it. It was borrowing, right? After all, it would be more responsible of her to leave behind the vehicle with the infant seats in case of an emergency.

  Okay, logic aside, she was about to steal Maddie’s car. The need for an escape—however brief—won out. Was this how Liv had felt? Walking out the door was simple when you were alone. She couldn’t imagine doing it with three little ones in tow. She still hadn’t taken the girls out of the house. That probably wasn’t healthy. This was why she needed a nanny. Unfortunately, finding one qualified enough to care for multiples had been challenging. They were in high demand.

  Jade removed a pad from the kitchen drawer, wrote Maddie a note and left it on the counter along with the keys to the SUV...just in case she woke up. Easing the door closed behind her, Jade practically skipped down the drive. She glanced up at the nursery window, guilt weighing heavy on her chest. Jade never felt guilty for anything. She was cutthroat in business and her personal life. Yet she’d been back in Saddle Ridge for less than a week and she’d worn guilt like a push-up bra. And it was every bit as restrictive and uncomfortable.

  Five minutes into her escape, Jade realized she was on her way to the Silver Bells Ranch. It was the middle of the night—correction, it was the wee hours of the morning and she had no idea where Wes even stayed on the ranch. For all she knew, he could have left early for South Dakota.

  Doubt aside, Jade pulled onto the main ranch road. Except for the other day when she’d first confronted Wes, she hadn’t been there before. The full moon glinted off the roof of the picturesque three-story log lodge reminiscent of a Thomas Kinkade painting. Beautiful as it was, it didn’t take her breath away like the cowboy walking out the front door did. Jade froze, framing Wes in her headlights. Broad shoulders, lean waist, long legs. No man should look that good. He approached the car and tapped on the passenger window.

  “Are you looking for the Silver Bells Ranch lodge?” he asked as she reluctantly lowered the window. “Jade, what are you doing here?”

  She groaned, uncertain of the answer herself.

  “Is this Maddie’s car?”

  He leaned in the window, close enough for her to smell the sharp, clean scent of soap. Had he just showered? Maybe he was returning from a tryst with a ranch guest. She felt heat rise to her cheeks and thanked God the car’s dark interior shrouded her embarrassment. Why couldn’t she have taken a quick drive into town and back?

  “Jade?”

  She gripped the steering wheel tighter and braved a glance at him. Between his hat and the darkness, she could barely make out his features. “It was the last vehicle in the driveway, so I borrowed it. I have a lot of work ahead of me tonight and I needed to clear my head for a bit. I pulled in here to turn around. I hadn’t expected to see you.” Good Lord, why was she rambling? “What about you? I’m surprised to see you wandering around this late.”

  “The ranch still isn’t operating with a full staff and I’m trying to fill in wherever I can. It makes for long nights.” He tried the door handle. “Can you let me in? I wouldn’t mind a lift back to my cabin.”

  “Um, sure.” Jade pressed the lock release and he slid in beside her. His bicep brushed against her arm as he set his hat on the dashboard. She now understood the meaning of compact car. Mistake number two...she should have flip-flopped vehicles and taken the SUV instead. At least he would’ve been an arm’s length away. “You’ll have to tell me where to go.”

  When he didn’t respond, she lifted her gaze to his. The dashboard lights turned his warm hazel eyes a deep, dark chocolate brown, drawing her into their depths. The man was too much, on too many levels. They didn’t even like each other, so why the sudden attraction?

  Because it wasn’t sudden. He had been her first crush fifteen years ago, before he screwed it up. Crush or not, she hadn’t been ready for anything sexual back then. She’d spent years hating him, only now she wasn’t sure how she felt. Knowing the truth had lessened that hate, if she could even call it hate anymore. That anger had been redirected toward Burke, where it should have been all along. She had no right to feel anything toward Wes except remorse. While she’d endured bullying and slut-shaming for four years, the physical attack had been swift. Wes had endured far more because of her silence.

  “I wanted to call you.”

  Jade rested her head against the seat and laughed. “You’re the one who said goodbye.”

  “That doesn’t mean I don’t still care.”

  Jade ignored the sincerity in his voice and shifted the car into Drive. “The girls are fine. I haven’t found a nanny yet and there’s been no word from Liv or the treatment center.”

  Wes covered her hand with his. “What about you? How are you doing?”

  Jade gripped the gearshift tighter under the heat of his palm. “I, um, I’ve been busy trying to keep my company going. It’s a bit tough to do this far from home.”

  “I can imagine.” He gave her hand a light squeeze before releasing it. “That’s quite an operation you have there. I hope you don’t mind. I looked you up online.”

  Nervousness crept into her chest as she shifted the car back into Park. “Hey, it’s fair. You already know I looked you up. I noticed you haven’t posted any photos for the past few days.”

  “I haven’t been in the mood. I haven’t wanted to do much of anything since...since I last saw you.” He hooked her chin wi
th his finger, gently forcing her to turn toward him. “You’ve been on my mind. Constantly.”

  “We’re enemies,” she whispered.

  “We were enemies.” His breath, warm against her cheek, sent a shiver through her body. “We are so much more than that and as hard as I try, I can’t forget the lives we’ve created together, however unknowingly. We will always have that connection and no one can take that from us.”

  “Wes.” Jade choked back a sob. “There’s nothing we can do about it. They aren’t ours to keep. As much as I fear my sister won’t get better, I have to believe she will. We can’t acknowledge that they came from us. And nothing can ever come from that connection. Liv didn’t want us to know about the other. It was her secret, and a friendship or whatever is impossible.”

  “Now we can’t even be friends?”

  Hurt reflected in his eyes and it took every ounce of restraint she had not to touch him and attempt to ease his pain.

  “No. The risk is too high. And it would hurt Liv. I still need to find a way to tell her you’ve seen the girls and have spent time with them. I’ll discuss it with her doctor when I visit her. I think it’s a big enough problem to warrant a third party. I can’t imagine her not being threatened by it.”

  “No chance of keeping it secret, huh?”

  Jade shook her head. “If I never planned to see her again, then maybe. I can’t look at my sister and lie though. The truth would come out eventually.”

  “Let me ask you something.” Wes shifted in his seat and leaned against the door. “Twice now you’ve mentioned the truth coming out. Were you and Jade planning to tell the girls that you’re their biological mother?”

  “Possibly. It depends on the situation.” It broke her heart knowing the girls might one day learn their mother and aunt had lied to them for years. Regardless of how well-intentioned the lie had been. “There are a number of factors I wish I had considered before agreeing to this. It’s been a lot harder than I imagined. For all of us.”

  “I have an idea, but I want you to hear me out before you say no.”

  “Okay, should I be worried?” She laughed nervously.

  “If you moved to the ranch—”

  “Are you insane?” He must be to propose the one thing that would send her sister into orbit. “Absolutely not.”

  His brow furrowed. “It’s a good idea if you’ll let me finish.”

  “Okay.” Jade bit back a retort and raised her hands in surrender. “Go ahead.”

  “You obviously feel isolated at Liv’s house because you’re driving around in the middle of the night. You don’t have a nanny or any other help during the day. Now I may not know of any professional child caregivers, but I can personally vouch for many of the teenagers living on this ranch. I’ve known them their entire lives from when their parents worked on my father’s ranch and then came here. They are home from school for the summer, looking to earn some extra cash. I’m sure one or two of them would be more than happy to give up cleaning guest quarters to help you with the girls. The few I have in mind helped raise their little brothers and sisters so they’re not inexperienced.”

  Hiring them wasn’t a bad idea. But move to the ranch? No. “Why can’t they come out to the house?”

  “Because they don’t have cars. They would need someone to transport them back and forth. Their parents work, and it would be too much of a strain on you.”

  Okay, he had a point there. “Your idea has merit, but I think it’s better if I wait and find a professional nanny. I’m flattered, but after the things you said the other day, I’m confused why you’re asking me to move in with you?”

  “You wouldn’t be living with me because I won’t be here. I head out to South Dakota tomorrow...well I guess it’s already tomorrow, but I’ll be back in time for the wedding on Saturday. Then I head home to my job and life in Texas.”

  Jade’s stomach knotted at the thought of him leaving. “Do you have a girlfriend waiting for you there too?”

  Wes’s features softened as a slow smile eased across his face. “Aw, sweetheart.” He ran the back of his fingers lightly down her cheek. “I’m flattered by your jealousy, but I am one hundred percent single.”

  “I am not jealous.” She smacked him away.

  “Ouch!” He rubbed his hand. “You’re cute when you’re riled up.”

  “You are so asking for it.” The man infuriated her more than a bridezilla with a bathroom emergency. He also turned her insides to mush. Only he could make her feel like a lovesick teenager again. Not that she was lovesick. Love was evil spelled backward...okay...misspelled evil. Regardless, it was close enough and she wanted no part of it. Love came with attachments and commitments. She had enough of that at work. She was married to her job and that was all she needed. “You can’t just install me in the lodge and leave me with a bunch of strangers.”

  “I was thinking more along the lines of one of the guesthouses that are not in use. My brothers are still rebuilding Silver Bells. Business is much better than it was a year ago, but we’re still not fully booked.” Wes ran his hands down his thighs and Jade wondered if he was as nervous as she was. “Of course, I would have to discuss it with them first, but I don’t see it being a problem. If you’re worried about people gossiping about Liv being in a PPD treatment center, I promise you, my family is not like that. Harlan understood and even enlightened me about a few things.”

  “You told him?” Jade closed her eyes, silently adding one more item to the list of things she had to tell her sister. “Why did you do that? Liv should have an opportunity to say what she does and doesn’t want people to know.”

  “Harlan didn’t give me a choice. He knew something was wrong when I showed up at the sheriff’s department with your rental SUV instead of your sister’s. I have a hard time lying to my brothers the same way you have a hard time lying to your sister.”

  “Fine, but I can’t move cribs and whatever else I need to your family’s ranch.”

  “We have cribs. Emma—the woman my brother Dylan is marrying on Saturday—wanted families to think of Silver Bells as a second home when they visited. She personally redecorated a few of the larger guest cabins with mothers in mind. We have five brand-new cribs at the ready. Those particular cabins have full kitchens with dishwashers, washing machines and dryers, guest bedrooms, rocking chairs and all the creature comforts of home.”

  “Wow.” She planned events at guest ranches with similar amenities and they didn’t come cheap. “Your brothers must have some budget to do all that.”

  Wes shook his head. “That was all Emma. She bought into the ranch as did many of our employees over the last six months. Silver Bells was on the verge of bankruptcy after my uncle died. Now it’s a thriving family and employee-owned business. It still has a way to go, but it’s getting great reviews and by next summer there will be a reservation waiting list.”

  “The way you speak so proudly of the ranch, I’m surprised you aren’t a partner.”

  Wes rested his arm on the open window frame and stared out the windshield. “They asked me, but I think they felt obligated to. I had to say no anyway.”

  “Because of Mackenzie, Audra and Hadley?” Jade hated how three innocent children were the cause of so much misery. It wasn’t fair.

  “They were a part of it, but I had already planned to leave. I see my father wherever I go in this town. Some of those memories are really good and others not so much. I hate Ryder for what he did. And I hate my father for the way he treated me. For the way he treated my mom. I hate my mom for leaving and never coming back. She wasn’t even at the christenings. Those are her grandchildren, but she couldn’t do it.”

  Jade reached across the armrest and entwined her fingers with his. “Maybe the pain is too much for her to return. The same way you said it would be too painful for you to come back.”

  “I’ve told myse
lf that a thousand times. She’s remarried and I’m happy for her. I truly am. And please don’t get me wrong, as much as I hate some of the things my family has done, they are still my family and I love them with all my heart. Just like I love Audra, Hadley and Mackenzie.”

  “I think it’s impossible not to.” Jade wanted to comfort him...to find comfort in him, but the barriers were too great for her to cross.

  “I didn’t want to. I tried not to. But the truth is, I loved them the minute Liv showed me the ultrasound. Something changed in me that day and I can’t explain it.” His fingers tightened around hers. “I realize I hurt your sister by severing all ties with her after that, but I was afraid to stay friends. If that was my reaction to a grainy black-and-white photo, I could only imagine what it would be like seeing them once they were born. Let alone in person. And I was right. They took my breath away. I may be heading back to Texas on Sunday, but I will never be the same after these two weeks.”

  “Neither will I.” Jade released him and covered her face with her hands. The tears she had carefully held in check over the past few months finally broke the dam. “I feel so guilty for regretting my decision to do this. But I would never take it back. I would never trade their lives in for anything.”

  “I know, honey. I know.” Wes wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. “Neither would I.”

  “How do I do this?” She sobbed against his chest. “And how am I supposed to do it alone?”

  “Move in here.”

  “How can that possibly work? If you see a resemblance between the girls and your nephew, don’t you think your family will? Never mind that my sister would freak over the arrangement.”

  “You’re forgetting that one of your sister’s best friends is engaged to my brother Garrett. She may notice a resemblance whether you’re here or not. Granted your sister had started the process before Delta and Garrett got together so she couldn’t have predicted that connection. But she knew about Harlan and Belle’s baby because I told her. Harlan told me when Belle was only four weeks along.”